The Doubt Monster

Everywhere I turn, it seems to be the topic of the day. Doubt. I was drowning in the “I don’t have what it takes…” Bloggers like Chatty Kelly and Jody Hedlund are addressing it today. Renee Swope’s new book “A Confident Heart” released this week. I haven’t read it yet, but it’s high on my list.

Doubt is the enemy's tool. It affects everyone. And it can affect any area of our lives. Are we a good enough mom, wife, friend, writer, speaker, worker, fill in the blank. It has us focus on whatever will take our eyes off God - our weaknesses, other's strengths.

After Adam and Eve sinned and hid in fear, God’s first question to them was “Who told you….?” He hadn’t told them to be fearful, ashamed. They were listening to the voice of their enemy.

All that God asks of us is to be obedient. To seek, to love, to serve Him and His people. When our eyes are squarely on Him, our doubts fade in His light.

Years ago, I had a strange experience. I was to speak before a crowd of fellow employees at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center. Every cell in my body trembled in fear. I had asked for prayer from trusted friends, telling them my session would begin Wednesday at 8:00 am. It was Wednesday at 7:55, and as I drifted to the podium, I wondered how I’d be able to utter a single word, so filled with fear and doubt was I.

Then something weird occurred. Really weird. It all happened in a nanosecond. I felt a tingling on the top of my head, like when someone pretends to crack an egg on your head. The tingle moved down from my head past my shoulders, past my arms and torso, down my legs, and out my feet. Picture a thermometer with a pinhole in the bulb and the red liquid leaking out the bottom. The tingle was fear, and so tangible was this feeling that as it left my body, I looked down because I thought I’d see a puddle of fear on the floor. All I saw were black and white tiles. As my eyes swept back up, they glimpsed the wall clock – which read exactly 8:00 sharp. In that instant, I simultaneously remembered 3 things - my praying friends, my mentioning 8:00 am, and the Scripture verse that says, “Perfect love casts out fear.” God is perfect love, and He supernaturally removed my fear.

I’d like to say that ever since that time, I have never experienced fear. But that would be a lie. What I do know is this – He CAN supernaturally remove my fear – if He wants to. So if He doesn’t, it means that the fear is there for a reason - most likely, so that I keep tethered to Him, focused on Him, in communion with Him, dependent upon Him rather than myself.

All the self-doubt that’s so prevalent and so destructive is just a tool in Satan’s arsenal, seeking to hinder the work of God. If only we can just remember that yeah we do have weaknesses, but it’s in our weakness that He is strong. He gets all the glory when imperfect people do amazing things. When we think we have it all together, we are at our weakest point.

Of course, that's my sermon for today. Tomorrow I may just be a pile of doubts again. ;)

Prayer request:

Thank you in advance. I’m so grateful for this community of prayer warriors.

Please keep my family in prayer – so much going on:

My dad is in ICU. He had emergency surgery last night to repair a ruptured fistula in his arm – the arm used for dialysis. This is one of many serious issues he’s facing, including cancer. In addition to his physical issues, please pray he'll know God's presence and peace. 

My son has been running a fever for the past 3 days, a week after his return from Uganda. I don’t even want to think of the possibilities.

I’m supposed to attend a 4 day writers’ conference starting Wednesday followed by a family vacation. A lot to prepare for both, assuming I can even do either one now.

And I will be sharing this Sunday’s message in church since my son is unable to do so. He was to share a message from his mission trip. So I’m preparing for that now. I’ll share from a chapter in my WIP book.

Can I just say “Oy vey!”